Archive for July, 2010
Michael Jordan having “retired,” with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.
If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.
If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.
He’ll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.
If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you’d be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he’ll pull in about $5600.
This year, he’ll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn’t it?
If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has today.
$$$ Game over. Nerd wins.
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in Trigonometric plane. There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of Magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
‘A Virus Walks Into a Bar…’ and Other Science Jokes, by Brian Malow
Science comedian Brian Malow jokes that a virus is “the ultimate David and Goliath” when compared with humans. He then rattles off a series of science-related jokes. “Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar, and doesn’t.”