Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

How mathematicians do IT

Author: Erika
August 2, 2010
Combinatorists do it as many ways as they can.
Combinatorists do it discretely.
(Logicians do it) or [not (logicians do it)].
Logicians do it by symbolic manipulation.
Algebraists do it in groups.
Algebraists do it in a ring.
Algebraists do it in a field.
Analysts do it continuously.
Real analysts do it almost everywhere.
Pure mathematicians do it rigorously.
Topologists do it openly.
Topologists do it on rubber sheets.
Dynamicists do it chaotically.
Operations researchers do it with models
Mathematicians do it forever if they can do one and can do one more.
Cantor did it diagonally.
Fermat tried to do it in the margin, but couldn’t fit it in.
Galois did it the night before.
Möbius always does it on the same side.
Markov does it in chains.
Newton did it standing on the shoulders of giants.
Turing did it but couldn’t decide if he’d finished
Descartes did it planely and with a point
The ancient Greek mathematicians did it irrationally
Archimedes did it naked whilst running in the streets of Syracuse shouting EUREKA!!
Fibonacci did it in sequence
Pythagoras did it with two legs at right angles, and a hypoteneus stretching out between them.
Cauchy kept getting closer and closer, but never got all the way there.
Newton liked to lie tangent to the curves, Riemann preferred the area under them.
Einstein said it’s important not to stop.
Heisenberg was certain of the position he did it in, but unsure of the speed.
Schrödinger did it in a box until someone observed him. Then he collapsed.

A Virus Walks Into a Bar…

Author: Erika
July 7, 2010

‘A Virus Walks Into a Bar…’ and Other Science Jokes, by Brian Malow

Science comedian Brian Malow jokes that a virus is “the ultimate David and Goliath” when compared with humans. He then rattles off a series of science-related jokes. “Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar, and doesn’t.”

How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket!

Author: Erika
April 28, 2010

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver’s license?
Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?
Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who’s car is this?
Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’s card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.
Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

A Great Writer…

Author: Erika
November 28, 2009

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works … for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Hi everyone, I found this very interesting and informative post at Back in Skinny Jeans, enjoy!

“Starbucks drinks are so tasty that you could easily drink a few hundred calories in one sitting depending on what you get. Everything counts when you’re trying to lose weight, so here are some tips to help you order some of your favorite Starbucks drinks with less calories and fat.

  1. Eliminate pumps of syrup. I know you love adding some fruity or candy flavored syrup to your latte but every pump of flavored syrup is 20 calories and 5g of sugar. In the Tall sizes, Baristas put 2 pumps of syrup which will pack on 40 calories and 10 g of sugar. In the Venti, you’ll get 4 pumps for a total of 160 calories and 20g of sugar.
  2. There are sugar-free syrup options with 0 calories, but those syrups have artificial sweeteners in them.
  3. One packet of Sugar in the Raw is 20 calories. But, if you have to add some sugar you’re better off with Sugar in the Raw versus the white sugar because during refining the sugar cane juice flavor filled with nutrients is removed.
  4. Nix the whipped creme topping. You can save from 60-110 calories and 6-11g of fat depending on the size and type of the drink. Baristas put more whipped creme on the cold drinks vs. the hot drinks.
  5. Switching from whole milk to non-fat milk will save you anywhere from 60-120 calories and 5-14g of fat depending on the size of the drink.
  6. To make a Carmel Macchiato less caloric, order it with non-fat milk and without the vanilla syrup . If you order a tall Carmel Macchiato with whole milk, you will ingest 200 calories. If you eliminate the 2 pumps of vanilla syrup (40 calories) and change to non-fat milk (60 calories), your new drink will be 100 calories and you still keep the luscious Carmel sauce.
  7. Starbucks offers 3 drinks that have 0 calories free of artificial sweeteners: Tall Hot Brewed Coffee, Tall Brewed Tazo Tea, and Tall Shaken Cold Tazo Iced Passion Tea (Unsweetened). And there’s always water, but who goes to Starbucks for water ;-)

[More Nutritional info at Starbucks.com]“